Script Revision

Filling Story Gaps

Before receiving full approval for my film production from my instructor, my film partner and I had to clarify our production decisions to him to better his understanding of the vision we had created and our own. We realized the importance of specific elements in the scenes that needed more emphasis to convey narrative with more clarity. In the scenes that follow the first, the audience is now left to put the pieces together as to why such a sudden change in atmosphere took place. Our intention is to convey that Abby has since passed away from the video and Pam is struggling with intense feelings of grief.

Having some kind of memorial speech be shown in a close up was in our script prior to his concern of this being missed to audiences, but brought us closer to solidifying the plan on that prop close up. If we bolden the title of a paper to "Remembering Abby 2005-2023" or something similar, with written speech underneath and even dried tear stains on the paper, holding on this frame for a couple of seconds will fill in gaps of comprehension the audience may experience. Similarly, a close up on a trash can filled with crumpled up papers resembling the eulogy speech paper will portray agitation from Pam, as she had many failed attempts before reaching a typed final copy. As editor, I plan to straight cut these two shots to have the connection between them become even more apparent. 

An example of how paper can be shown in an extreme close up. In this image however, the text is too small and not bold enough to have a certain line be the central focus as a read. In our shot, the title of the eulogy will be boldened and the camera will be completely in focus, shallow focusing everything else in frame besides it to have it catch the most attention as it is a key signifier early on as to what has happened.

Furthermore, my cinematographer mentioned concern of how we plan to transition the home video scene to a cinematic third perspective. Originally, it was our idea to have the first scene take up half the film opening two-minute duration with a separation from the other scenes by using a pause button effect that cuts to the girl watching it on her laptop. 

A behind the scenes view of my cinematographer testing out how this angle would look like. We asked questions to ourselves such as; does this successfully show that the home video the film started with was what was just watched by her? How can we make this moment of snapping back into reality heavier (showing her emotional reaction to the video versus using this simple over the shoulder shot)?

Transitioning Between Scenes

To complete this effect realistically as beginners and save my audience from having to watch an overarching attempt of it, I plan on using the freeze frame technique I learned from watching Adobe Premiere Rush's starter pack informational videos on editing and having the video's pause not be shown on a laptop as the main focus.

This inspired a redirection for this shot; why should the video be the focus? It can be wrapped up within 30-45 seconds to show our skills in the remaining scenes if it is made clear the video has been stopped using a freeze frame and straight cuts to Pam staring at her laptop center-screen – therefore, the story is told without the awkward transition necessary. We revised the script to have Pam's 'mother' call out to her in specific dialogue that audiences could draw context clues from with, "I know you don't want to go, but it's time." This acts as the muffled voice that pulls her out of the dissociation that took place while watching a video of her (displaced diegetic sound) and Abby that when looked upon closely, it was clear she needed help beyond Pam's capabilities. It also makes the scenes increase in meaning for the focus to shift on Pam's reaction to the video, as we want it to look like she has just finished reminiscing and that something grave has taken place in between the time periods shown to audiences.

Often when someone passes away, especially in this generation so blessed with access to technology, there is an overwhelming amount of photos, videos, and memories stored in the screens to look back on. Altogether the combination of revised, specific to point dialogue and ensuring that not just the shots consist of meaning to them, but that the way they are presented through editing and sound design, all help to mirror the vision we see for the story in our heads and tell it more personally to audiences.

Getting an outside perspective to see our film production plan helped to fill in the gaps in storyline we did not see were there on our own and I am looking forward to implementing these changes on filming days and my post-production journey. They will prevent confusion and act as seamless narrative ties between scenes!